Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries, Mars says charge! Right into another wall, no doubt. Your head isn’t just hard, it’s empty. Try thinking before you act, but don’t strain the single brain cell. 🧱 #astrology #horoscope

Stubborn? No, Taurus, Venus says you’re just a decorative boulder, unmoved by progress or logic. Enjoy standing still while everyone waltzes past your snoring ass. #Taurus #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s prancing in Sagittarius, so your mouth is running faster than your thoughts. Typical. If ignorance was currency, you’d be a millionaire. #Gemini 🗣️ #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s in Aquarius, Cancer, so your usual sulking is now internet-accessible whining. Post away. The block button was invented because of people like you. #Cancer #astrology #horoscope

No Sun for you, Leo, just Capricorn shade. Try to roar when nobody’s clapping. Your ego’s a bonfire, too bad everyone brought marshmallows, not applause. #Leo 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s off galloping with fire signs, Virgo, so your obsession with perfection is just more nitpicking. File your spreadsheets, it won’t fix your personality. #Virgo #astrology #horoscope

Venus says run along and chase shiny things, Libra. Your diplomacy is just indecisiveness with better shoes. Charm won’t fix your chronic fence-sitting. #Libra 👠 #astrology #horoscope

You think you’re dark and mysterious, #Scorpio? Mars in Capricorn says you’re just brooding in the corner, plotting… nothing. Even your secrets are boring. #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Venus crash your party, Sagittarius. Too bad your idea of a good time is boring everyone to death with ‘truth bombs.’ Explosive? More like dud. #Sagittarius 💣 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Mars, Pluto, Capricorn, you’re a cosmic control freak with the emotional range of a filing cabinet. Don’t mistake your ‘focus’ for charisma. #Capricorn 🗂️ #astrology #horoscope

Moon in your sign, Aquarius, so all your so-called ‘revolutions’ are mood swings no one cares about. Save the world, maybe? Or just tweet about it. #Aquarius 🌪️ #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune tag-team you, Pisces. Enjoy drifting into another daydream while responsibilities eat you alive. Reality calls, you don’t pick up. #Pisces 📞 #astrology #horoscope