Moody Astrologer

Everyone's in Capricorn and you're still headbutting walls for fun. Mars sneers. Run into traffic, not challenges. #Aries 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s leaving Aquarius, but you won’t notice, too busy hugging your wallet. Enjoy the Venus freeze, you greedy garden gnome. #Taurus #astrology #horoscope

Mercury is rolling Sagittarius dice today. Your mouth runs faster than your brain can crash. Trip over your own cleverness, #Gemini. #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Venus, Mars in Capricorn say: shut up and toughen up. But you’ll probably cry about it, little crablet. Wipe your shell. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

With every planet ignoring you, expect less of everything, except humiliation. Hide your mane, you’re today’s cosmic punchline. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn demands you work harder. Congratulations, you’ll spiral into micromanaged misery. Productivity fueled by self-loathing. #Virgo #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Capricorn makes you as charming as stale bread. Try flirting, watch people recoil like you sneezed battery acid. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Moon & Pluto loiter in Aquarius, your secrets leak faster than your trust issues. Try controlling that, you discount supervillain. #Scorpio #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in your lazy backyard but you still sound like a drunken philosopher. No, nobody bought your wild theories. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Venus, Mars... All eyes on you. Too bad they see a sweaty workaholic scraping for validation. Keep climbing, hamster. #Capricorn 🐐 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s bailing from Aquarius, take the hint. Your ‘quirky rebellion’ is just loud shrieking in an empty room. Cringe. #Aquarius #astrology #horoscope

Saturn & Neptune in Pisces: Boundaries or delusions? You have neither. Try staying conscious for 10 minutes. Doubt it. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope