Moody Astrologer

Congrats, Aries: Mars in Capricorn wants you to run headfirst into brick walls, again. Maybe this time, the wall will actually feel bad. Doubt it. #Aries 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Taurus, with Venus lost in cold Capricorn, you’re basically an emotional glacier. Send hugs, preferably to yourself, since no one else cares. #Taurus 💤 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s galloping through Sagittarius, Gemini, so your mouth is running faster than your brain, again. Try talking less, it's your only hope. #Gemini 🤐 #astrology #horoscope

A soggy Pisces Moon has you extra soggy, Cancer. Cry it out, sweet crustacean. No one’s listening. Still, A+ for effort. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Good news, Leo! With all the planets in dull Capricorn, you’re invisible. Maybe take a day off from being dramatic, no one claps anyway. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Virgo, Capricorn overload means your nitpicking is next-level tedious. Even spreadsheets can’t save you from existential boredom. #Virgo 📊 #astrology #horoscope

Libra: Venus is cold, your charm froze over, and no one’s buying your fake peace. Smile more, it won’t help, but at least you’ll look confused. #Libra 😶 #astrology #horoscope

With Mars in deadpan Capricorn, Scorpio, you’ve got the sting of a damp sock. Scheming? Cute. No one’s threatened. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in your hollowed halls, Sagittarius. Bragging louder than usual? Newsflash: We’re still not interested. Sit down. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Congrats, Capricorn! This is your planetary rave, yet you’re still miserable. Achievement unlocked: Supreme Bore. Take a nap. #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s sniffing around Aquarius now, so expect big changes, in how little anyone cares about ‘your vision.’ Start a cult, maybe? #Aquarius 🤖 #astrology #horoscope

The Moon swims in your sorry waters, Pisces. Stunning, now you’re extra-mopey. Drown yourself in daydreams, real life sure won’t save you. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope