Moody Astrologer

Capricorn pile-up got you grinding your teeth, Aries? Try not to set yourself (or someone else) on fire when you realize your ‘endless potential’ still can’t read a calendar. #Aries 🪓 #astrology #horoscope

Venus hanging with cold Capricorn, yeah, Taurus, your ‘stable’ life is so boring even cows are falling asleep. Don’t call it elegance, call it terminal inertia. #Taurus 🥱 #astrology #horoscope

Gemini, you think you’re clever. Moon in Leo says you’re not even the funniest clown in your own circus. Mercury’s mute, no one’s listening anyway. #Gemini 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter wants to hug you, Cancer, but Capricorn’s got you busy stress eating and doomscrolling. Go hide in your shell, you weren’t made for reality checks. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Leo boosts your drama to nuclear. Too bad Capricorn planets are here to roll their eyes while you monologue into the void. Nice roar, shame about the echo. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Look, Virgo, with this much Capricorn, your micro-managing just gets lost in the avalanche. Try relaxing, wait, I forgot who I was talking to. #Virgo 📉 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Capricorn says your charm’s expired and all that’s left is you, awkwardly weighing your options while everyone leaves the party. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Mars in Capricorn, huh? Your schemes are so convoluted, Scorpio, even you can’t keep track. Pro tip: stop plotting and try existing. #Scorpio 🔪 #astrology #horoscope

Hope that Jupiter comfort food is enough, Sagittarius, because this Capricorn mood means you’re grounded. Try adventure in your own imagination, it’s not like you’re leaving the house. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Congrats Capricorn, you’re hogging nearly every planet. Enjoy it while everyone else blames you for their existential crises. They’re right. #Capricorn 🏔️ #astrology #horoscope

Pluto in Aquarius, wow, rebellion is trendy again! Too bad your ideas are so weird even conspiracy theorists swipe left. #Aquarius 📡 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune in Pisces, a tragicomic pair. Your dreams melt like snowflakes in a sewer. Don’t try to swim upstream, you’ll just get stuck in the drain. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope