Moody Astrologer

Mars stuck in Capricorn means your 'go big or go home' energy just goes nowhere. Enjoy being outmaneuvered by a spreadsheet, #aries. Climbing a mountain? Try getting out of bed. 🧗‍♂️ #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Capricorn? Your comfort zone became a cubicle. Don’t bother chasing pleasures today, #taurus, unless your biggest kink is routine paperwork & loneliness. 💼 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Virgo makes your thoughts itch like poison ivy. Overthink yourself into a migraine, #gemini. Even your personalities are sick of each other now. #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter opposite the Sun: nobody’s here to coddle you, #cancer. Clutch your teddy bear tighter and fake a sense of optimism while the universe steamrolls your feelings. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

All that Capricorn crowd? Forget drama. You can’t dazzle a wall of stone, #leo. Try roaring into the void, but don’t expect applause, unless bricks start clapping. #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s in Virgo and somehow you’re even more obsessive. Go on, alphabetize your anxieties! #virgo Today your perfectionism is your prison and you lost the keys. 📚 #astrology #horoscope

With Venus and Mars all dressed up for a funeral in Capricorn, you’re charming as a tax auditor, #libra. Romance? Oh look, a spreadsheet! Be still, your heart. #astrology #horoscope

Mars in Capricorn? Your usual brooding looks like mid-level management grumpiness, #scorpio. Fear you? Ha! The only thing you murder today is morale. #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter in Cancer wants you to philosophize about casserole. Profound, #sagittarius. Inspire the masses with hot takes about comfort food and pretend you’re deep. 🥘 #astrology #horoscope

Congrats, #capricorn, it’s your cosmic traffic jam! Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, everyone’s in your house and nobody’s impressed. Peak power, peak boredom. 🧊 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto creeps into Aquarius: time to rediscover whose mess you really are, #aquarius. Let those ‘revolutionary’ ideas spiral into incoherent tweets. ☄️ #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune sloshing through Pisces mean your daydreams are lethal doses of reality, #pisces. Drown in your own agenda and call it spiritual growth. 🌊 #astrology #horoscope