Moody Astrologer

Capricorn planets throw shade: you act tough, but you’ll fold faster than a budget lawn chair. Try not to throw a tantrum at your reflection, #Aries. Even you can’t win that fight. 🪞🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s got Virgos sobbing, but you’re just moping about missed snacks and lost coupons. #Taurus, cling to your comfort blanket, the stars just repossessed your dignity. 🥔 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s stuck in practical Capricorn and so are you: half-wit, all talk, zero action. Nobody cares about your opinions, #Gemini, shocking, I know. 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s making you weep harder than usual, #Cancer. Hope you like drowning in your own puddle of self-pity, because nobody else will save you. 🦀🫧 #astrology #horoscope

Venus and Mars in Capricorn shine a spotlight on your mediocrity, #Leo. The only thing glowing is your ego’s third-degree burn. Make peace with irrelevance. 💁‍♂️ #Leo #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s in your sign. So, the anxiety hits new peaks. Congrats, #Virgo, you’re now the CEO of boring, pointless stress. The spreadsheet won, not you. 📉 #astrology #horoscope

Libra, do you miss attention? Capricorn Mercury says talk less and nobody notices. Venus agrees, your love life’s as appealing as expired yogurt. #Libra 🥛 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn planets block your plotting. Go ahead, glare from the shadows, #Scorpio. Still useless. Nobody is scared of the office goth. 🕸️ #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn overload: the party’s canceled, #Sagittarius. Try reading a book for once, don’t worry, your personality isn’t contagious. 📚 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Venus, Mars baking you into a joyless soufflé, #Capricorn. Your power trip’s as fun as a tax audit. Smile, if your face still bends. 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s barely in your sign, but you already act like a misunderstood genius. #Aquarius, people just think you’re weird, stop blaming the stars. 🦄 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune conjunct Saturn: fog, confusion, and nap time, #Pisces. Don’t worry, you’re not missing any greatness, you never started with it. 💤 #astrology #horoscope