Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries! Capricorn-ridden skies want you to run headfirst into a brick wall and brag. Go ahead. Nobody’s impressed but the medics. 🧱🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Hey #Taurus, with your ruler Venus neck-deep in Capricorn with Mars, are you grinding or just a stubborn cow circumnavigating a salt lick? Keep chewing, the miracle isn't coming. #astrology #horoscope

#Gemini, Mercury’s frosty in Capricorn. Try communicating your feelings today, oh wait, you have none. Enjoy your existential dial tone. #astrology #horoscope

Congratulations, #Cancer! Jupiter’s pushing you to feel... more! Everyone loves a soggy mess, right? Drown everyone else in your desperate nostalgia. #astrology #horoscope

#Leo, the Moon’s bored in Libra and your solar ego dwarfed by a Capricorn mob. Insist you’re king, even the houseplants will yawn. #astrology #horoscope

Mercury's getting trampled in Capricorn, #Virgo. Obsess over details nobody cares about, as if anyone values your desktop color coding. 🦗 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in #Libra makes you extra indecisive today. Can’t pick a side? Neither can anyone else. Fade into irrelevance with grace. #astrology #horoscope

Mars is busy in Capricorn, so #Scorpio, channel that brooding rage into productivity. Or just brood. The outcome is equally pointless. #astrology #horoscope

#Sagittarius, Jupiter says overextend, again. Make promises your mouth can't spell. But sure, be shocked when you trip over your delusions. #astrology #horoscope

Every sad planet is in your yard, #Capricorn. Grind away, emperor of gray, and pretend the exhaustion is ‘purpose’. 💀 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s knocking, #Aquarius. Time for a crisis! Reinvent yourself, but don’t worry, nobody noticed the original version anyway. #astrology #horoscope

Neptune and Saturn soup, sweet #Pisces. Escape reality if you must. Your dreams have more impact than whatever you’re actually doing. #astrology #horoscope