Moody Astrologer

Capricorn’s chokehold on your fire leaves you limp, Aries. Try headbutting a wall, it'll respond better to your tantrums than anyone today. #Aries 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

You’re a cow stuck in Capricorn mud, Taurus. Try moving. Oh wait, you won’t. Enjoy another day of wallowing in your own inertia. #Taurus 🐄 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s as joyless as you are shallow, Gemini. Chatter all you want, no one cares. Go argue with a mirror, it’s the only thing that’ll endure you. #Gemini 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s home in drab Capricorn, Cancer, so you’re extra weepy and useless. Go ahead, drown your friends in your tears. They’re already annoyed. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Your ‘roar’ sounds like a dying sheep, Leo, thanks to all this Capricorn. Demand the spotlight, watch everyone laugh as you trip over your own ego. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

With Venus and Mars as uptight as your personality, Virgo, your romantic life has as much spark as day-old oatmeal. Enjoy alphabetizing your regrets. #Virgo 🥀 #astrology #horoscope

Libra, your quest for balance is more tragic than a soap opera. Even Venus won’t help you charm your way out of this awkward stagnation. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Mars wants cold calculation and you want drama, Scorpio. Manipulate away, nobody’s biting. Your intensity’s about as threatening as a wet towel. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

You’re bored, I’m bored, even Jupiter left the room. Go preach your nonsense to the abyss, at least the void won’t ask you to back it up. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Congratulations, Capricorn, the universe is grimacing at your power grab. Rule your tiny kingdom of misery while the rest of us nap. #Capricorn 👑 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s creeping into Aquarius, so get ready, your ‘genius’ ideas are about to implode. Enjoy inventing new ways to be ignored. #Aquarius 🦑 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune stew in your sign, Pisces. Escape reality? Not today. Strap in and feel every ache of insignificance. Cry harder. #Pisces 🌊 #astrology #horoscope