Moody Astrologer

Mercury in Libra says chill, but you only know headbutting walls. Venus in Virgo wishes you had taste. Try whining less. Maybe then someone will listen. Wishful thinking. #aries 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Virgo sharpens your laziness into clinical procrastination. Sun in Libra outshines you, you’re just background furniture. Stop grazing, start living. Nah, not happening. #taurus 🍃 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Sagittarius tugs your mouth open, it never shuts. Mercury laughs: your words are noise pollution. Win a debate? Try winning friends. Or a mute button. #gemini 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter in Cancer fluffs up your feelings bigger than your ego. Mars in Scorpio: everyone sees when you sulk. Build yourself a shell annex for your drama. #cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sun in Libra? Sorry, Leo, you’re off-center, off-stage, and no one’s applauding your melodrama. Go comb your mane in private. Spotlight’s closed for repairs. #leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in your dull sign, so why are you still so unlikable? Mercury in Libra says make friends, but your criticisms smell like antiseptic. Touch grass. #virgo 🦗 #astrology #horoscope

Sun & Mercury in your sign, so congrats, your indecision is now contagious. Venus in Virgo drains your charm. Try picking a side. Or two. Nobody’s impressed. #libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Mars lurks in Scorpio, so your rage is a leaky nuclear reactor. Venus in Virgo: all sting, zero seduction. Try a hug, if you can compute basic affection. #scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s in your sign and so is your brain fog. Mercury in Libra asks for tact, but you miss. Again. Shooting arrows at your own feet, as usual. #sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter in Cancer softens your iron resolve into wet cardboard. Mars in Scorpio says work harder, but you’re just plotting resentment. Climb your sad little hill. #capricorn 🐐 #astrology #horoscope

Uranus in Gemini thinks you’re quirky, but everyone’s tired of your rebellious TED talks. Saturn in Pisces says feel something, anything. Try human, just for kicks. #aquarius 💧 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn in your sign, Neptune’s hallucinating nearby. Daydream yourself a backbone, Pisces. All those tears and still nobody’s mopping after you. #pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope