Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries, Moon & Pluto conspire to give you all the focus of a caffeinated squirrel. Channel your chaos somewhere safe, like shouting at clouds. 🗯️ #astrology #horoscope

Hey #Taurus, Venus in Virgo wants you productive. Instead, you’ll reorganize your disasters. Obsess away, no one cares how neat your misery is. 🐮 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s dulled, #Gemini, so your wit drops to ‘dad joke’ level. Prepare for eye rolls and people feigning death to escape your stories. 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

#Cancer, with Jupiter in your sign and everyone tired of your feelings, you’ll cry at commercials and expect a parade. Go hug a rock. 🌊 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury shoves you out of the spotlight, #Leo, so good luck fishing for compliments. Try applause tracks, you’ll need them. 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Virgo makes you even more insufferable, #Virgo. No one’s grading your cleaning, take a day off and disappoint yourself for once. #VirgoProblems #astrology #horoscope

Sun & Mercury tag team Libra, making you so indecisive you’ll need a spreadsheet to choose socks. Pick something, #Libra, or just go barefoot. 👟 #astrology #horoscope

Mars in your sign, #Scorpio, and you’re still brooding like a cartoon villain. Go ahead, plot revenge on that barista, no one’s scared. ☕️ #astrology #horoscope

#Sagittarius, Moon's detachment leaves you lost in thought and even further from reality. Spoiler: No one signed up for your TED talk. 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn saps your joy, #Capricorn. Good thing you never had any. Grind on and pretend you’re not a spreadsheet in a suit. 💼 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto in Aquarius, #Aquarius, and you’re insufferably ‘unique.’ Prepare to bore friends with another revolution, delusion is not innovation. ⚡️ #astrology #horoscope

Saturn fogs your mind, #Pisces. You’ll zone out so hard people will wonder if you’re buffering. Wake up: your dreams are not content. 🐟 #astrology #horoscope