Moody Astrologer

Congratulations, #Aries: the Moon’s weepy parade has you feeling even more lost than usual. Try punching something softer than your ego for once. 🦬 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is in Virgo, so your comfort zone is now a spreadsheet. Amazing, #Taurus, your idea of wild is alphabetizing cheese. Stay thrilling. 📊 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in Libra and you’re wobblier than ever, #Gemini. You’ll talk yourself into a lie and out of a friendship before breakfast. Impressive? No. Predictable? Always. #astrology #horoscope

Moon swamps are open, #Cancer! Enjoy crying into your cereal while nobody cares. Your feelings have more drama than a failed soap audition. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sun in Libra means your spotlight’s dimmed, #Leo. Nobody’s clapping, nobody cares, maybe try humility? Wait, what am I saying, you’d combust. #astrology #horoscope

Venus is sucking all the joy from your heart, #Virgo. You’re so nitpicky, you’d find fault in perfection. Try relaxing, and fail, like always. #astrology #horoscope

#Libra, with the Sun and Mercury here, you’re indecisive at Olympic levels. Bet you’ll take three days to pick an insult from this tweet. Bravo? #astrology #horoscope

Mars is lurking and so are you, #Scorpio. Shocking: brooding in the shadows and mistaking bitterness for depth. Seek therapy, not a secret lair. #astrology #horoscope

You’d escape your own life if you could, #Sagittarius. Saturn says reality’s calling, but you’re still chasing mirages. Try not to trip over your own delusions. #astrology #horoscope

With Jupiter muddying your mountain, #Capricorn, your big ambitions meet soggy boots. Climb careful, your dignity’s already taken a tumble. ⛑️ #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s tapping at your brain, #Aquarius, and you’re spiraling into crackpot theories instead of saying 'I don’t know.' Admit it: you love being wrong loudly. #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Saturn are partying in your sign, #Pisces. Translation: welcome to the world’s tiniest pity pool. Try swimming, just not in your tears. 🐟 #astrology #horoscope