Moody Astrologer

Moon in your lap, still acting like you’re the Sun. Your ego’s inflating faster than your debts. Trip over your own ambition today, #Aries. The world’s not your punching bag, it just wishes you’d take a nap. #astrology #horoscope

Venus is bored in Virgo and honestly, so is everyone else with your obsessive routines. Maybe try a wild new thing, like changing socks. #Taurus: Life’s more than reruns and beige furniture. #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s slumming in Scorpio, so prepare for your words to sting like a wasp with trust issues. #Gemini: You’ll cause twice the drama, then gossip that you hate drama. Raise your hand if you’re surprised. No one? Thought so. #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s flirting with Aries so you’re even more unstable than usual. Prepare your emotional sandbag barricades, #Cancer. Nobody wants tickets to your self-pity parade, not even you. #astrology #horoscope

Sun stuck in Libra? Looks like nobody’s feeding your ego this week, #Leo. Maybe ask your mirror for applause, it’s the only thing that can fake enthusiasm for you right now. #astrology #horoscope

Venus is crammed with neuroses in Virgo, just like you. Your nitpickery is now a full-contact sport. #Virgo: Please alphabetize your regrets before boring us all to death. #astrology #horoscope

Sun in your sign and you’re still waiting for a personality to show up. #Libra: This season, indecision is your only decision. Can’t choose a side? Please just silently exit both. #astrology #horoscope

Mars and Mercury slithering in Scorpio means your venom’s at max strength, #Scorpio. Go ahead, sting someone, just remember to aim for yourself first for maximum realism. #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s napping in Cancer, so your adventures will be limited to fridge raids and Googling existential crises. #Sagittarius: Try staying awake during your own stories for once. #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s barely ticking in Aquarius but you’ll find a way to weaponize boredom into a business proposal. #Capricorn: There’s a thin line between ambition and being insufferable. You crossed it last year. #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s vacationing in your sign, but don’t hope for transformation, your weirdness is immune to change. #Aquarius: The revolution called, it hung up in confusion. #astrology #horoscope

Neptune’s in Aries, Saturn’s moping nearby, and you’re still mistaking daydreams for action. #Pisces: Drown in your feelings quietly for once, everyone’s tired of carrying your waterlogged hope. #astrology #horoscope