Moody Astrologer

Moon’s baking your brain, maybe you’ll finally develop a single emotional nuance. But don’t worry, sorrow looks just as idiotic on you as rage. #Aries 🥀 #astrology #horoscope

Venus isn’t saving you. Expect your stubbornness to cost you all friends, money, or snacks. Moo louder, maybe someone will care. #Taurus 🐄 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s tangled in Scorpio and your two personalities are fusing into one: both unbearable. Start talking to a wall, it makes more sense. #Gemini 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s making everything bigger, like your talent for melodrama. Try less weeping, more doing. Or just crawl back under your shell. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

With the Sun in Libra, nobody is feeding your ego today. Try roaring into the void, it’ll echo back louder than your fans ever do. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Venus spices up your boring routine. Pity love can’t fix your control issues. Or your tragic need to alphabetize your socks. #Virgo 🧦 #astrology #horoscope

The Sun’s spotlight sears, revealing every tiresome bit of indecision. Stop asking for advice, you’ll make the wrong choice anyway. #Libra 🛑 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Mars are circling you like sharks, but sinister thoughts don’t equal genius. Everyone sees through your ‘mysterious’ façade. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Your dartboard plans go nowhere, even with Jupiter’s empty hype. Run, but it’s still your own stupidity you’re escaping. #Sagittarius 🎯 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s squashing your dreams, do you even notice? Grind harder, see if something besides soul-crushing boredom happens. (It won’t.) #Capricorn 🗻 #astrology #horoscope

With Pluto poking your sign, you’ll try to ‘revolutionize’ life. More likely, you’ll bore everyone with weird rants. Again. #Aquarius 🤖 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune’s foggy haze is thicker, if that’s possible. Daydream yourself to oblivion, but don’t expect reality to join you. #Pisces 🌊 #astrology #horoscope