Moody Astrologer

Moon’s in Taurus, so you’ll stomp around demanding respect but trip over your own ego instead. Go ahead, #Aries, inspire us all by failing upward once again. 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s lurking at home and you still can’t get comfortable. Indulge, overeat, wallow in the couch, #Taurus, you’re one throw pillow away from hibernating forever. 🥱 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s brooding in Scorpio, so your ‘wit’ bites even less than usual. #Gemini, talking in circles doesn’t make you deep, it just makes everyone dizzy. 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter bloats your feelings, Venus mocks your relationships, and you, #Cancer, play the eternal victim. Save the drama, no one’s watching your soap opera. #PityParty #astrology #horoscope

Sun’s ignoring you in Libra. Go ahead, #Leo: scream, demand, pout, nobody’s shining a spotlight on your tantrum today. Your crown’s plastic and the kingdom’s bored. #FakeRoyalty #astrology #horoscope

Venus is critiquing your every flaw. Rewrite your lists, #Virgo, perfection still won’t notice you. Nitpick all you want, you’ll just annoy everyone into exile. 😡 #astrology #horoscope

Sun’s here but it’s all fake charm and zero substance. #Libra, smiling at your own reflection isn’t charisma. No, really, people see through it. #HollowBeauty #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Mars are bickering in your swamp, #Scorpio. So you’ll plot, sulk, and overthink until even your grudges need therapy. Spite this delicious hasn’t cured your loneliness. #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s too busy inflating Cancer’s sob story to give you luck. Go seek enlightenment elsewhere, #Sagittarius, or just run until you get lost again. 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn weeps in Pisces and you’re stuck bailing water from the sinking ship. Climb a mountain, #Capricorn, or just keep micromanaging despair. 🐐 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto mutters in your sign but no one’s impressed by your rebellion, #Aquarius. Shock us, innovate, yawn. You’re less mad scientist, more cranky IT guy. #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s in your backyard crushing your dreams, #Pisces. Please, cry harder, it almost looks like work. Float on, maybe you’ll find direction by accident. 🌊 #astrology #horoscope