Moody Astrologer

You want applause for breathing, Aries? With Venus judging you and the Moon stubborn, just stay home before your ego sets off a fire alarm. #aries 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s cuddling you, Taurus, but even comfort food hates your lack of ambition today. Enjoy pretending mediocrity’s a vibe. #taurus 🥱 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s got secrets, Gemini, but then again, everyone knows you talk trash anyway. Can't outwit a mirror, clown. #gemini 😏 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s weeping with you, Cancer. Maybe try leaving the house? Or just keep crying into your emotional swamp. #cancer 🫠 #astrology #horoscope

The Sun’s in exile, Leo, and so are your dreams of attention. Prepare for applause, oh wait, that's just you clapping for yourself in the bathroom. #leo 👏 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is close, Virgo, but not close enough to clean up the disaster you call 'planning.' Face it, that to-do list is a graveyard. #virgo 🪦 #astrology #horoscope

Sun’s with you, Libra, and so is slippery Mercury: enjoy overthinking every choice until you forget what you wanted in the first place. #libra 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Mars and Mercury partying in Scorpio: congrats, your anger and secrets are fighting each other for control. Good luck picking a victim. #scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter forgot about you, Sag. Blurt out the truth, offend someone, then aim an arrow at your own foot. Classic. #sagittarius 🦶 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s heavy, Capricorn, just like your charisma. People avoid you for a reason, stop blaming the stars, start bathing. #capricorn 🧼 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto whispers rebellion, Aquarius, but you’re too busy tweeting bad takes. The revolution called, asked you to sit this one out. #aquarius 💻 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s drowning you in reality, Pisces. Daydream all you want, but nothing floats in your leaky soup bowl of hopes. #pisces 🥣 #astrology #horoscope