Moody Astrologer

Congrats, Aries: impulsive fool with zero filter, thanks to Moon & Uranus in Gemini. Today you run your mouth faster than your brain, try not to get punched. #Aries 🧨 #astrology #horoscope

Taurus, Venus in Virgo forces you to nitpick every crumb on your sad desk. Nobody is impressed by your ‘perfection’, least of all your imaginary friends. #Taurus 🍼 #astrology #horoscope

Gemini, Moon pollutes your sign. Expect emotional instability of a toddler hopped up on espresso. Even you won’t believe your own two-faced lies today. #Gemini 😂 #astrology #horoscope

Cancer, Jupiter clings to you like mildew on soggy bread. If you get any more sentimental, you’ll drown the group chat with tragic oversharing. #Cancer ☔ #astrology #horoscope

Leo, Sun in Libra means nobody is clapping for your one-man Broadway show. Beg for attention, shine, then fade into irrelevance. #Leo 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Virgo, Venus blesses you with OCD but zero charisma, as usual. Your color-coded suffering is still boring. Try therapy, not spreadsheets. #Virgo 💊 #astrology #horoscope

Libra, Sun’s in your court, but all you serve is decisive mediocrity. Indecision is not a personality, it’s a curse. Just pick something and fail. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Scorpio, Mercury & Mars tag-team you into full gremlin mode. Your paranoia wins, your charm dies, and everyone knows you’re stalking them. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sagittarius, with Moon and Uranus far from your fire, you’re just running around clueless. Your wisdom? More like fortune cookie nonsense. #Sagittarius 🦃 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn, no planetary support and Saturn says you’re doomed. Plot your empire, but no one’s listening, except the voices in your head. #Capricorn 🪦 #astrology #horoscope

Aquarius, Pluto’s at your doorstep but you’re too busy ‘innovating’ nothing. Sit down. The revolution passed while you were doomscrolling. #Aquarius 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Pisces, Saturn’s squeezing the last drop of optimism out of you. Cry, write a poem, then rejoin reality, it won’t miss you. #Pisces 🥲 #astrology #horoscope