Moody Astrologer

Congrats, Aries: Everyone’s more emotional than usual, but you’re still too dense to notice. Go ahead, charge in, Mars in Scorpio ensures you’ll bulldoze feelings, including your own. #Aries 🧱 #astrology #horoscope

Taurus, Venus crawls through Virgo, just like you crawl toward self-improvement but trip over snacks. Your ‘standards’ are as stale as your excuses. #Taurus 🍩 #astrology #horoscope

Gemini, Mercury’s brooding in Scorpio, so your gossip now comes with a side of existential dread. Too bad nobody wants your secrets, or your company. #Gemini 🤐 #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Jupiter inflating your feels, Cancer. Cry about it, really, we’d all love to drown in your salty tsunami. Again. #Cancer 🌊 #astrology #horoscope

Leo, center stage is lonelier than ever. Sun’s off flirting in Libra while you practice fake applause in your gilded closet. Keep roaring, no one’s listening. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is wringing her hands in your sign, Virgo. Your perfectionism’s peaking, but the real mess is your soul. Wipe that smug look, nobody’s fooled. #Virgo 🧹 #astrology #horoscope

Hey Libra, you fragile social chandelier, the Sun props you up but your charm’s cracked. Good luck balancing all your broken dreams and fake friends. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Mars are brooding together in Scorpio, congrats, you’re twice as insufferable and ten times more paranoid. Bet you’ll trust no one, again. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s got Cancer crying and your optimism’s circling the drain. Try not to drown in someone else’s feelings for once. Sympathy’s your kryptonite. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn, Saturn’s lost in Pisces. Your legendary discipline? Today it’s just escapism in a power suit. Dream on, reality checked out. #Capricorn 🐐 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto just arrived, how fitting, Aquarius. Time for self-destruction disguised as ‘progress.’ Keep rebelling, genius, but don’t trip on your ego. #Aquarius ⚡️ #astrology #horoscope

Neptune in your sign, Saturn too. Translation: delusion meets despair. Lose yourself in art, tears, or existential memes, no one expects more. #Pisces 🦑 #astrology #horoscope