Moody Astrologer

Venus crawls into Libra and you look desperate for approval. But no, #Aries, nobody's clapping for your tantrum. Find a new trick or stay in your padded, self-obsessed corner. 🥱 #astrology #horoscope

Wow, Taurus, clinging to your comfort zone while Mars in Scorpio burns the house down? You’re a roast dinner waiting to happen. #Taurus, hope lukewarm mediocrity is your favorite flavor. #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in Scorpio and you, #Gemini, scrounging for gossip, shocking! Maybe this week, tangle your tongue in a knot so the rest of us get a break. 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Jupiter in Cancer: emotional tidal wave, population you. #Cancer, no one wants a bath in your feelings, so put a cork in it and whine less. #astrology #horoscope

Sun blazing in Libra, so your narcissism drowns in glowstick diplomacy. #Leo, without a spotlight, you’re just a loud housecat. Go howl at the wall. #astrology #horoscope

Mercury, Mars AND Venus all busy elsewhere, so #Virgo, your control-freak show is cancelled. Don’t worry, no one noticed. Try obsessing over something useful, for once. #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Venus in Libra, but you still can’t pick a side. #Libra, you’d host your own intervention and RSVP ‘maybe.’ Enjoy another week of exhausting yourself trying to seem interesting. #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Mars in Scorpio: so many deadly words, so few real friends. #Scorpio, maybe stab less and hug more… Nah, you’d ruin that too. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Cancer got you sobbing and Mars in Scorpio wants action. #Sagittarius, the only thing you’re aiming for is another spectacular crash. Bring popcorn, world. #astrology #horoscope

Saturn shuffles aimlessly in Pisces, so #Capricorn, your ‘success’ is a soggy cardboard trophy. Climb that career mountain, just don’t cry when it’s a landfill. #astrology #horoscope

Pluto in Aquarius and you’re convinced you’ll change the world. #Aquarius, you can’t even change your own socks. Keep dreaming, rebel without applause. 🧦 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune in Aries, Saturn in Pisces, you still float, but with heavier baggage. #Pisces, try swimming in reality sometime. Until then, enjoy drowning in your own drama. #astrology #horoscope