Moody Astrologer

Mars festers in Scorpio, yes, that rage is normal. You'll pick another pointless fight, lose again, and blame literally everyone but yourself. Try therapy instead of tantrums. #Aries 🥊 #astrology #horoscope

Venus lounges in Libra but you still clutch your mediocrity like it’s fine wine. Stop parroting “self-care.” You’re just boring. #Taurus 🍷 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in Scorpio, so your jokes sting more than amuse. Spoiler: People fake-laugh to avoid your next word vomit. #Gemini 🦗 #astrology #horoscope

Moon kicks off in Scorpio, stirring your ocean of feels. Crying again? Save the tears, even the Moon is sick of your drama. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sun wilts in Libra, so enjoy being ignored. How does it feel when nobody cares about your grand entrance, O Discount Royalty? #Leo 💅 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s venomous, which means your nagging hits new lows. The world isn’t a dust bunny, stop trying to clean people up. #Virgo 🧹 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is home, and yet you still found a way to be blandly indecisive. Spoiler: Both outfits look terrible. #Libra 👗 #astrology #horoscope

Moon, Mercury, Mars, oh joy, it’s a Scorpio traffic jam. Triple threat of sulks, snark, and self-importance. Everyone’s exhausted. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter tries to help, but you’re still a windbag on a broken horse. Gallop off, preferably into silence. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s sighing in Pisces, but you just double down on being an unlovable workaholic. Enjoy your joyless spreadsheet, champ. #Capricorn 🖇️ #astrology #horoscope

Pluto's in your sign, so you’re convinced you’re starting a revolution. Take a shower first, Che Guevara. #Aquarius 🦾 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune’s at zero Aries. You, meanwhile, are at zero motivation. Your only bold move this week? Another nap. #Pisces 🛌 #astrology #horoscope