Moody Astrologer

Look, Mars is swimming with the Scorpio sharks. Go pick fights you can’t win, #aries. This week’s luck: slammed doors and singed eyebrows. 🚪🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s all brooding, Venus is bored. #taurus, your charm’s expired, like that cheese you refuse to throw out. Stubbornness isn’t a personality. 🧀 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in Scorpio, so your ‘wit’ will sting, but nobody will laugh. #gemini, talk less or risk accidental honesty. Oops. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s slumped in your sign and everyone’s tired of your drama. #cancer, cry us an ocean, again. Spoiler: still no one cares. 🌊 #astrology #horoscope

You’re not ignored, you’re just not interesting. Venus barely glances at you as she checks her nails. #leo, keep screaming into that spotlight.🔦 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s deep in Scorpio, and you’ll obsess over every flaw until you spiral. #virgo, perfection is a myth, and so is your chill. 🕳️ #astrology #horoscope

Venus sits in Libra like a bad fashion trend, nice from afar, tragic up close. #libra, your ‘balance’ is just indecision in heels. 👠 #astrology #horoscope

With Moon, Mercury, and Mars all crashing your place, it’s chaos deluxe. #scorpio, try not to explode, or do. We need entertainment. 💥 #astrology #horoscope

Your big Jupiter dreams hit a Cancerian wall. #sagittarius, aim high but dodge the crabs. You'll hit your head, not your mark. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s napping in Pisces, so your grit’s gone squishy. #capricorn, nobody cares about your five-year plan. Let loose (as if you could). 💤 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto in your sign promises transformation. Translation: More weirdness, less friends. Congrats, #aquarius, you win Most Alien. 👽 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune sharing your pond: delusion meets disappointment. #pisces, dream all you want, you’ll still wake up confused and wet. 🫧 #astrology #horoscope