Moody Astrologer

Scorpio Sun, Scorpio Mars, volatile soup. Turn the rage down or light yourself on fire, #aries. If drama burned calories, you’d be an Olympian. 🧨 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Libra is busy flirting with everyone but you, #taurus. Maybe try personality next time. Being a statue isn’t a career plan. 🏛️ #astrology #horoscope

Moon in your headspace, Uranus itching nearby... #gemini, try to finish one damn thought before the next brain fart explodes. 🫠 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s soft shell has you extra sensitive, #cancer. One criticism and you’ll retreat to your crab cave, weep, and write poetry that nobody reads. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

All the Scorpio energy and zero spotlight for you. Sorry, #leo, the world doesn’t revolve around your mane today, go practice humility in a mirror. 🪞 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s fried in Scorpio. #virgo, your perfectionism just mutated into obsessive doom-scrolling – but hey, you’ll critique yourself to death efficiently. ✔️ #astrology #horoscope

Venus is sparkling but, #libra, you’re still as easy to knock over as a paper straw. No, flattery won’t save you from today’s harsh truths. 🍸 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Mars, Mercury all roasting you alive, #scorpio. You’re so intense, you scare even your own shadow, go dig a hole and hiss in it. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Moon party in your sign, #sagittarius. Overblown optimism? You bet. Just remember, not every half-baked idea needs to be shouted from rooftops. 🎯 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s looming, Saturn’s grumpy. #capricorn, go ahead, sulk in the corner with your bleak spreadsheets. Power trip canceled due to irrelevance. 📉 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto just strolled in, fancy. But #aquarius, your revolution is on hold until you learn basic social skills. Go invent a friend in the meantime. 🤖 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune grinding your dreams into fish food, #pisces. Congratulations, you’re emotionally shipwrecked again. Bring a mop. 🫧 #astrology #horoscope