Moody Astrologer

Moon's in Capricorn, your big bold plans meet a wall. Ram harder, head emptier! Go ahead, charge. The universe snacks on bruised egos like yours. #Aries 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

Venus thinks she's charming in Libra, but you? More like lukewarm leftovers, Taurus. Don't bother asking for affection, cows get milked, not hugged. #Taurus 🐂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury's in Scorpio, so your gossip will sting you back. Try speaking once without contradicting yourself, Gemini. I dare you. #Gemini 🦋 #astrology #horoscope

Moon's cold in Capricorn, Jupiter's smothering you in Cancer. Congratulations: your feelings are a disaster zone. Stay home, pout, repeat. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Venus flirts in Libra, but you? Outshined and ignored, Leo. No applause today, just awkward silence where the spotlight should be. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury's drowning in Scorpio's swamp, Virgo. All your perfectionist plans? Rotting. Go alphabetize your regrets instead. #Virgo 📚 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is in your sign, but she's bored. Your charm is a wet napkin, no one’s buying it. Mediate alone, Libra. No one's listening. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Mercury, and Mars in your den: you’re extra venomous, Scorpio. Bite someone, at least then you'll matter. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Everything’s broody water or bland air, no fire for you, Sagittarius. Your wild dreams just got doused. Buy an umbrella. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Moon's squatting in your gloomy house, Capricorn. Great, another day of joyless grind. Even rocks have more charisma. #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s whispering in your ear, Aquarius. That urge to ‘change the world’? It’s indigestion. Sit down before you hurt yourself. #Aquarius 🚀 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune and Saturn dancing in your bathwater, Pisces. No one cares about your feelings, least of all you. Go daydream into a puddle. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope