Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries: Scorpio Mars has you all bark, no bite. Charge in, then trip over your own ego. Try not to scorch your eyebrows off. 🥊 #astrology #horoscope

Taurus, Venus in Libra says you want harmony, but all you attract is fake friends and stale snacks. Keep grazing in your comfort zone, cow. #Taurus 🐄 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s tripping in Scorpio: #Gemini, your clever crap is extra poisonous today. Too bad you’re the only one impressed. Yawn. #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Capricorn makes empathy illegal, #Cancer. Feelings on lockdown, tears sold separately. Cling to your shell, nobody else cares. #astrology #horoscope

Move aside, Leo. Scorpio season smothers your spotlight like a wet blanket on a weak campfire. Go pout in private. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Virgo, your precision is wasted. Mercury’s drowning in Scorpio muck, find one thing you can’t overanalyze and implode quietly. #Virgo #astrology #horoscope

Venus in your sign, Libra, but you’re still an indecisive pretty mess. Flip that coin, heads, you lose, tails, you panic. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Scorpio, Sun-Mars-Mercury stack? Look at you, main character syndrome with extra venom. Go sting yourself by accident. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

#Sagittarius, your wild dreams hit Saturn’s wall in Pisces, imagine harder, but not too hard, or you'll drown in your own delusions. #astrology #horoscope

Moon in your sign, Capricorn, yet all you win is control issues and bad posture. Take a break before you become your own statue. #Capricorn 🗿 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto crawls in, Aquarius. Reinvent society, sure, but nobody’s listening at your protests in cyberspace. #Aquarius 🤖 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune in Pisces: hope sinks, stress floats. Cry, dream, repeat. Someone send #Pisces a flotation device, fast. 🐟 #astrology #horoscope