Moody Astrologer

Moon in Aquarius says try thinking before you explode, but we all know subtlety isn’t your brand. Enjoy bulldozing friends today, #aries, you’ll lose them, but hey, you never cared anyway. 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Libra craves balance, but you’d marry a pile of cash if it’d have you. Keep eating your emotions, #taurus, the only thing steady about you is your cholesterol. 💸 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in Sagittarius, time for loud opinions and zero facts. Astonish us, #gemini, with your ability to change sides three times mid-sentence. Goldfish remember more than you do. 🐟 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter in Cancer amplifies your feels. Expect to cry over a sandwich. Again. Get a grip, #cancer, or at least get some tissues. The Moon is mocking you right now. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Libra wants peace, Mars in Scorpio wants drama. So you’ll flirt, start a fight, then need applause. Typical #leo. Wear a crown, but expect tomatoes. 👑 #astrology #horoscope

Every planet shouts ‘get a hobby’ but you’re busy color-coding regrets. #virgo, perfection is a myth, but your whining is legendary. At least self-loathing burns calories. 📉 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is home, but still you stumble choosing socks. End a debate, #libra. Fence-sitting isn’t cardio and people are tired of your indecision. Balance? You wouldn’t know her. ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Scorpio Sun, Mars close behind, oh great, the emotional dictator wields extra venom. #scorpio, everyone is hiding from your ‘truth bombs.’ You think you’re intense, but you’re just exhausting. ☠️ #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in your sign means more shouting, less sense. Enlighten us, #sagittarius, with another hot take no one asked for. Never change, except maybe your volume. 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto in Aquarius exposes skeletons, but you’re too busy micromanaging your own funeral. #capricorn, control is an illusion and so is your chill. Take a vacation (in hell). 💀 #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Pluto in Aquarius: double the weird, none of the social skills. #aquarius, people don’t ‘misunderstand’ you, they’re just avoiding your TED talk on lightbulbs. 🦾 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune in Pisces, reality check bouncing again. #pisces, you drift through obligations like a manatee in a kiddie pool. Wake up before your dreams drown you. 🌊 #astrology #horoscope