Moody Astrologer

Try not to set your life on fire today, Aries. No, seriously, Mars is prowling and you’re one burst of stupidity from burning it all down. Put the matches down. #Aries #DumbAndDumber 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is lazy in Libra, so you’ll probably nap through life’s disasters, Taurus. Enjoy your mediocrity, at least it's consistent. #Taurus #CouchPotato 🛋️ #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s drunk in Sagittarius, and so are your thoughts. Geminis, prepare to babble nonsense no one asked for. Nobody cares, but thanks for sharing. #Gemini #Blabbermouth #astrology #horoscope

Moon's gone cold in Aquarius. Cancer, your emotions are on ice, and so is everyone’s patience. Clingy + aloof = a real treat. #Cancer #CryMeARiver 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Spotlight’s dead, Leo. With Mars in Scorpio, your thirst for attention is more tragic than ever. Yell louder, maybe the void will clap. #Leo #AllBarkNoBite 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury's off its leash, which means your perfectionism is extra useless today, Virgo. File another complaint, nobody listens. #Virgo #ControlFreak #astrology #horoscope

Venus is smirking, Libra, and so are we, another day judging others but doing nothing of value yourself. Polished emptiness. #Libra #HollowAtTheCore 💅 #astrology #horoscope

Sun burns in your swamp, Scorpio, while Mars sharpens every grudge. Brood harder, nobody’s scared anymore. #Scorpio #ProfessionalBrooder 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s lost in your sign, Sagittarius. Channel that energy into running your mouth about things you pretend to know. Stunning as always. #Sagittarius #HotAir 🎯 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s moping in Pisces, so your empire’s built on quicksand, Capricorn. Hard work, zero results. Tell your therapist. #Capricorn #TryHarder 🐐 #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Pluto are throwing a pity party, Aquarius. You’re not special, you’re just weird. Keep rebelling, nobody noticed. #Aquarius #LookAtMe 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune tag-team to make you even spacier, Pisces. Drown in daydreams, but don’t expect rescue, nobody can find you. #Pisces #LostCause 🌊 #astrology #horoscope