Moody Astrologer

The Moon’s wallowing in Pisces and you, Aries, are allergic to introspection. Go ahead, fist-fight your feelings. Spoiler: You’ll lose. #Aries 🤦‍♂️ #astrology #horoscope

Venus is chilling in Libra, making you crave harmony, and carbs. Newsflash: No amount of pastries will make your life less mediocre. #Taurus 🥐 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in Sagittarius says ‘think big’. You’ll probably just babble louder nonsense than usual. Volume up, substance zero. #Gemini 😂 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s in your sign, Cancer. Don’t get inspired, you’ll just cry harder about something pointless. Soggy, sentimental, stunningly annoying. #Cancer 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Mars in Scorpio is all steam, no spotlight. You’ll try for dramatic entrances, you’ll exit unnoticed. Clap for yourself, Leo, no one else will. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Pisces Moon is mud-wrestling your logic, Virgo. Try cleaning the mess in your head, trust me, your lists will not save you. #Virgo 🧹 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Libra, you’re peaking. Finally, a day when being shallow is astrally sanctioned. Stare at your reflection, it’s the only thing that tolerates you. #Libra 💄 #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Mars in Scorpio, a cosmic double shot of angst. Don’t worry, your brooding’s still as boring as ever. Let’s all pretend to be scared. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury just crash-landed into Sagittarius. Time for another round of thoughtless ‘wisdom.’ Speak first, regret later, or never, idiot. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

With Saturn brooding in Pisces, your ambition is mud-stuck. Plot all you want, mountain goat, you’re climbing a marsh. #Capricorn 🏔️ #astrology #horoscope

Pluto shifted to your sign, Aquarius. Congratulations, now you’re both weird and sinister. Expect people to avoid you...more than usual. #Aquarius 💀 #astrology #horoscope

Moon, Saturn, Neptune: your Pisces skies are polluted with feelings. Dream on, but even your imaginary friends are bored with the whining. #Pisces 🌊 #astrology #horoscope