Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries, Moon's got you crying over spilled milk while Mars shoves you headfirst into regrettable decisions. Charge ahead! Straight into a wall, obviously. 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

Taurus, Venus ditched you for the underworld and left you emotionally constipated. You can hug your bank account, but it won’t hug back. #Taurusbankruptcy 💸 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in Sagittarius, Gemini, translation: mouth: 100, brain: 0. Everything you say today will sound dumber out loud. Enjoy your own echo chamber. #Gemini 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s smothering you, Cancer. Drown in your feelings, why don’t you? Douse your friends with them, too, maybe they'll finally block your number. 🌊 #CancerCling #astrology #horoscope

Sun’s lost in Scorpio, Leo. That spotlight you crave? Flickering in a sewer. Roar all you want, the rats aren’t impressed. #LeoDrama 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Virgo, Mercury’s on vacation. Time to alphabetize your self-loathing, since you can’t control anything else. Spreadsheets can’t fix you. #Virgo #astrology #horoscope

Venus abandoned you, Libra, so charm won't save you, expect arguments, ugly hair days, and worse taste in lovers than usual. #Libra 💔 #astrology #horoscope

Hey Scorpio, Venus and Sun in your sign should mean power, but you’ll just weaponize more insecurities. Go ahead, try to seduce your own reflection. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Mars in Sagittarius means double trouble. Enjoy tripping over your own half-baked ideas and setting your foot (or face) on fire. #Sagittarius 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter's hoping to lend luck, Capricorn, but Saturn is busy throwing lead weights at your ankles. Hope you like vertical marathons in quicksand. #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s moving in, Aquarius, so your rebellion will feel like a toddler's tantrum. Change the world? You can’t change your socks. #Aquarius 👽 #astrology #horoscope

Pisces, Saturn and Neptune stir up existential dread and delusion. Perfect combo for crying in the shower while explaining chakras to your goldfish. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope