Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on November 10th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Congrats, #Aries, Moon's got you crying over spilled milk while Mars shoves you headfirst into regrettable decisions. Charge ahead! Straight into a wall, obviously. 🐏 #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Taurus, Venus ditched you for the underworld and left you emotionally constipated. You can hug your bank account, but it won’t hug back. #Taurusbankruptcy 💸 #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Mercury’s in Sagittarius, Gemini, translation: mouth: 100, brain: 0. Everything you say today will sound dumber out loud. Enjoy your own echo chamber. #Gemini 🤡 #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Moon’s smothering you, Cancer. Drown in your feelings, why don’t you? Douse your friends with them, too, maybe they'll finally block your number. 🌊 #CancerCling #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Sun’s lost in Scorpio, Leo. That spotlight you crave? Flickering in a sewer. Roar all you want, the rats aren’t impressed. #LeoDrama 🦁 #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Virgo, Mercury’s on vacation. Time to alphabetize your self-loathing, since you can’t control anything else. Spreadsheets can’t fix you. #Virgo #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Venus abandoned you, Libra, so charm won't save you, expect arguments, ugly hair days, and worse taste in lovers than usual. #Libra 💔 #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Hey Scorpio, Venus and Sun in your sign should mean power, but you’ll just weaponize more insecurities. Go ahead, try to seduce your own reflection. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Mercury and Mars in Sagittarius means double trouble. Enjoy tripping over your own half-baked ideas and setting your foot (or face) on fire. #Sagittarius 🔥 #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Jupiter's hoping to lend luck, Capricorn, but Saturn is busy throwing lead weights at your ankles. Hope you like vertical marathons in quicksand. #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto’s moving in, Aquarius, so your rebellion will feel like a toddler's tantrum. Change the world? You can’t change your socks. #Aquarius 👽 #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Pisces, Saturn and Neptune stir up existential dread and delusion. Perfect combo for crying in the shower while explaining chakras to your goldfish. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in scorpio | 17° 50' |
| moon in cancer | 19° 47' |
| mercury in sagittarius | 6° 51' |
| venus in scorpio | 3° 49' |
| mars in sagittarius | 3° 55' |
| jupiter in cancer | 25° 8' |
| saturn in pisces | 25° 26' |
| uranus in taurus | 29° 55' |
| neptune in pisces | 29° 37' |
| pluto in aquarius | 1° 32' |
