Moody Astrologer

Mars & Mercury huddle in Sagittarius, but you’ll still run mouth-first into disaster, Aries. Your ‘bravery’ is really just poor impulse control. Trip, stumble, repeat. #Aries 🤦‍♂️ #astrology #horoscope

Moon crawls into Virgo, but you’re too lazy to notice, Taurus. Venus is busy in Scorpio. Face it: you’ll cling to bad habits like a tick on a bloated cow. #Taurus 🐂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s prancing in Sagittarius, dragging your brain to some new nonsense, Gemini. Your words will travel faster than your thoughts, and both are empty. #Gemini 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s in Virgo, but you’re still drowning in feelings, Cancer. Jupiter tries to ‘help,’ but all you’ll do is overshare with strangers. Hide the tissues, clown. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Scorpio means you’re dramatic as ever, Leo. Still convinced you’re king: spoiler, everyone’s sick of your spotlight tantrums. Crawl off stage. #Leo 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s in your sign, Virgo, but all you get is heightened neurosis. Nitpick yourself into an ulcer, nobody cares about your color-coded apocalypse. #Virgo 📉 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is in Scorpio, so your charm’s twisted. Expect romantic disasters, Libra, as you try seducing with that Diet Sociopath routine. It’s not working. #Libra 🥀 #astrology #horoscope

Sun & Venus in Scorpio: listen up, gremlin. You’re the toxic gift that keeps on giving. Don’t act shocked when everyone needs a detox. #Scorpio ☠️ #astrology #horoscope

Mercury & Mars in your sign. Congratulations, Sagittarius, you’re an unfiltered megaphone strapped to a rocket. Prepare to annoy all lifeforms. #Sagittarius 🚀 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s in Virgo, but nothing will help your workaholic delusions, Capricorn. Saturn’s useless, you’ll still fail at fun and empathy. #Capricorn 🗿 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto tiptoes into your sign, Aquarius. Enjoy your existential crisis, like you needed more excuses to act tortured and misunderstood. #Aquarius 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune mutter in your depths, Pisces. Sorry, reality still hates you. Your escape plan? Whining with a side of melodrama. #Pisces 💧 #astrology #horoscope