Moody Astrologer

Moon's in Virgo, so you're extra irritable, hard to tell the difference. Mercury in Sagittarius helps you run your mouth and achieve Olympic levels of stupidity. Try thinking. On second thought, don't. #Aries 🥊 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is brooding in Scorpio, which means your love life is spicier than boiled cabbage. Don’t worry, Taurus, you’ll still eat your feelings. Calories heal, right? #Taurus 🐮 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury is Sagittarius: Your lies are taller, your attention span shorter. Today, try saying nothing. For once, people might actually like you. #Gemini 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Virgo grinds your nerves into emotional dust, Cancer. Why not cry about it? Oh, wait, you already did, twice before noon. #Cancer 🌧️ #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Venus in Scorpio: everyone’s ignoring you. Tragic. Try roaring all you want. Still no applause, just awkward silence. #Leo 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in your sign, Virgo, so your nitpicking hits sub-atomic levels. You’ll alienate everyone and still find a typo in your own rant. Bravo. #Virgo 🧹 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Scorpio and Mars in Sag, your flirting is more tragicomic than ever. Expect rejection, get used to it. Swipe left on yourself today. #Libra 💔 #astrology #horoscope

Stellium in your neighborhood, but nobody wants to visit, even the stars make your parties depressing. Enjoy your brooding, freak. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Mars in your sign. Congrats, you can shout nonsense twice as fast. They say knowledge is power, but not in your case. #Sagittarius 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Virgo, Jupiter in Cancer: Overworking, over-worrying, then blaming everyone else when your kingdom crumbles. Build a new one, at least out of Lego. #Capricorn 🏗️ #astrology #horoscope

Pluto creeps into your sign, bringing that inevitable existential dread you mistake for enlightenment. Please, spare us your TED Talk. #Aquarius ⚡ #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune tag-teaming in your sign. Dreamy delusions meet harsh reality. Spoiler: Reality wins, as always. #Pisces 🦑 #astrology #horoscope