Moody Astrologer

Go on, start another doomed fight, Moon in Libra ensures you’ll lose the argument and your dignity. Even Mars pities you. #aries 🥊 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is stewing in Scorpio, so your usual laziness is now just emotional constipation. Binge eat your regrets, cow. #taurus 🐮 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s off in Sagittarius, chasing shiny things. So are you, but with zero aim. Verbal diarrhea, starring you again! #gemini 😂 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter tried to save you in Cancer, but nothing fixes that endless self-pity. Cry louder, maybe we'll care. #cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sun in Scorpio burns up your fragile pride. Sorry, nobody’s clapping for you this week, not even ironically. #leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Libra can’t balance your mess. Try organizing your failures alphabetically for a change. #virgo 📉 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in your sign, but no one’s impressed with your fake harmony. Indecision is still cowardice, darling. #libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Venus tag-team your ego, but you’re still just a drama queen shivering in all black, brooding over nothing. #scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Mars in Sagittarius, talk louder and run faster, but none of it makes you less clueless. #sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s dragging his heavy feet in Pisces, and so are you. Grind harder, goat, nobody else believes in you. #capricorn 🦓 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto starts you off with delusions of rebellion. Newsflash: your quirky is boring. Join a cult for once. #aquarius 🧊 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune sag in Pisces, making you even soggier than usual. Try drowning your sorrows, maybe you’ll float. #pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope