Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on November 18th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Your fire fizzles, Moon, Venus, everyone is emo in Scorpio, so try brooding before you do anything stupid. But hey, self-restraint isn’t in your toolkit, #Aries. Good luck not punching a mirror. 🔥 #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Uranus kicks you while you're snoring. Life's a mess whether you wake up or not. By all means, cling to comfort while the world bulldozes your 'security.' #Taurus 🥀 #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Mercury's in Sagittarius, so your mouth's running marathons while your logic trips over its shoelaces. Try not to say something so dumb even you cringe, #Gemini. 🤡 #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Jupiter thinks you’re lucky. Moon in Scorpio tells the truth: your mood is a shipwreck and everyone’s drowning. Show less feelings, #Cancer, no one is buying your tears anyway. #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Venus in Scorpio wipes the smug off your golden face. Prepare for drama that doesn't center on you. For once, #Leo, damn spotlight's broken. Save the tantrum for later. #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
You want control? Under this greasy Scorpio mess, you’ll find more order in a toddler’s crayon drawing. Embrace chaos, #Virgo, or just keep reorganizing your own existential clutter. #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Venus was your friend, now she's in Scorpio plotting your ugly breakup. Charm won't save you, #Libra. Go ahead, try to negotiate with a storm. ☂️ #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
This cosmic dogpile of planets in Scorpio, how’s it feel being the emotional landfill for the zodiac? Even you can’t handle your own vibes, #Scorpio. We’re all suffering with you. #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Everyone expects light from you, but Mars and Mercury turn you into a hyperactive know-it-all flaming dumpster. Maybe try silence, #Sagittarius. It’s a lost skill. #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Pluto moves in and Saturn mopes in Pisces. Your iron will? Reduced to damp toast. Pretend you’re in control all you want, #Capricorn, no one’s fooled. 🏔️ #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Uranus and Pluto want you to innovate. Your actual progress? Same as your empathy: nearly extinct. Nice try, #Aquarius. Build another failed utopia. #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Saturn and Neptune in Pisces means even your fantasies have deadlines. Sorry, #Pisces, you can't float forever. Time to trade dreams for edible food and a shower. 🐟 #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in scorpio | 25° 53' |
| moon in scorpio | 1° 7' |
| mercury in sagittarius | 1° 28' |
| venus in scorpio | 13° 51' |
| mars in sagittarius | 9° 43' |
| jupiter in cancer | 25° 5' |
| saturn in pisces | 25° 14' |
| uranus in taurus | 29° 35' |
| neptune in pisces | 29° 30' |
| pluto in aquarius | 1° 39' |
