Moody Astrologer

Your fire fizzles, Moon, Venus, everyone is emo in Scorpio, so try brooding before you do anything stupid. But hey, self-restraint isn’t in your toolkit, #Aries. Good luck not punching a mirror. 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Uranus kicks you while you're snoring. Life's a mess whether you wake up or not. By all means, cling to comfort while the world bulldozes your 'security.' #Taurus 🥀 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury's in Sagittarius, so your mouth's running marathons while your logic trips over its shoelaces. Try not to say something so dumb even you cringe, #Gemini. 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter thinks you’re lucky. Moon in Scorpio tells the truth: your mood is a shipwreck and everyone’s drowning. Show less feelings, #Cancer, no one is buying your tears anyway. #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Scorpio wipes the smug off your golden face. Prepare for drama that doesn't center on you. For once, #Leo, damn spotlight's broken. Save the tantrum for later. #astrology #horoscope

You want control? Under this greasy Scorpio mess, you’ll find more order in a toddler’s crayon drawing. Embrace chaos, #Virgo, or just keep reorganizing your own existential clutter. #astrology #horoscope

Venus was your friend, now she's in Scorpio plotting your ugly breakup. Charm won't save you, #Libra. Go ahead, try to negotiate with a storm. ☂️ #astrology #horoscope

This cosmic dogpile of planets in Scorpio, how’s it feel being the emotional landfill for the zodiac? Even you can’t handle your own vibes, #Scorpio. We’re all suffering with you. #astrology #horoscope

Everyone expects light from you, but Mars and Mercury turn you into a hyperactive know-it-all flaming dumpster. Maybe try silence, #Sagittarius. It’s a lost skill. #astrology #horoscope

Pluto moves in and Saturn mopes in Pisces. Your iron will? Reduced to damp toast. Pretend you’re in control all you want, #Capricorn, no one’s fooled. 🏔️ #astrology #horoscope

Uranus and Pluto want you to innovate. Your actual progress? Same as your empathy: nearly extinct. Nice try, #Aquarius. Build another failed utopia. #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune in Pisces means even your fantasies have deadlines. Sorry, #Pisces, you can't float forever. Time to trade dreams for edible food and a shower. 🐟 #astrology #horoscope