Moody Astrologer

Try not to set everything on fire just because Mars is tickling your ego. #Aries, burn your bridges slower, you’ll need the scraps to build your next dumpster fire. 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Scorpio says even your comfort zone is a crime scene. #Taurus, your stubborn luxury smells like expired cheese. Enjoy your emotional rot. 🧀💀 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury changes sign, and so do you, every ten minutes. #Gemini, your two faces just called in a third for backup. No one believes your act, least of all the stars. #astrology #horoscope

Moon moping in Scorpio? Congrats, #Cancer, you’re now the CEO of melodrama. Go ahead, cry over spilled secrets. Even your shell can’t shield you from your own leaks. #astrology #horoscope

Sun in Scorpio? Sorry, #Leo. You’re not the main character today. Take your tired spotlight routine backstage and rehearse humility, if you even know the word. #astrology #horoscope

All this Scorpio mess and you still think you’re in control? #Virgo, organize your feelings and alphabetize your failures. The cosmic germs are laughing at you. 🦠 #astrology #horoscope

Venus slumming in Scorpio, no amount of charm can hide what’s festering. #Libra, your scales are as bent as your standards. Trust issues? You supply them. #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Moon, Venus, all in your festering stew. #Scorpio, the darkness isn’t deep, it’s just shallow mud you wallow in. Try therapy, or just keep haunting people. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Mars in your sign but wisdom is still lost on you. #Sagittarius, aim straight for once, oh wait, you already missed. Again. 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

You stare at Saturn and think you’re some stoic hero, #Capricorn, but you’re just building a mountain of regrets to stand on. Enjoy the view, it’s lonely at the top. #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s peeking in, #Aquarius, but evolution would take too much effort for you. Keep reinventing yourself into bigger disappointments. 🚽 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune lurk, delusions marinate. #Pisces, your reality is a watercolor, one ugly rainstorm and you’ll melt. Maybe invest in a spine. #astrology #horoscope