Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on November 20th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
You’re all Mars, zero brains, and this week Mars says run headfirst into a brick wall, again. Don’t expect applause. #Aries 🧱 #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Venus wishes she could trade you in for a houseplant. You’re as stimulating as a tax form. #Taurus 🪴 #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
With Mercury in Scorpio, your forked tongue gets tangled. Even you’re bored of your own gossip. Pathetic. #Gemini 💬 #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
The Moon’s in Scorpio, so your mood swings make hurricanes look stable. No amount of tears earns sympathy now. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Sun, Moon, and Mercury all ignore attention-hungry Leo. Find a new audience, your old one’s asleep. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Neptune fogs your judgment and even your obsessions seem unwashed. Try not organizing the trash for once. #Virgo 🧹 #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Venus in Scorpio strangles your charm. Good luck convincing anyone you’re worth their drama. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
The cosmos crams all the action into Scorpio and it shows: you’re even more insufferable than usual. Congrats? #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Mars in Sagittarius makes you reckless, but you still end up going nowhere. Keep chasing your own tail. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Saturn is too depressed to save you. Outworked, outclassed, and as warm as a tax audit. #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto beckons you to rebel. Yawn. You’ll start an uprising and forget what it was for halfway through. #Aquarius 🌪️ #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Saturn and Neptune clog your dreams. You’re drowning in delusion and denial, as usual. #Pisces 🫧 #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in scorpio | 27° 54' |
| moon in scorpio | 24° 50' |
| mercury in scorpio | 28° 50' |
| venus in scorpio | 16° 22' |
| mars in sagittarius | 11° 11' |
| jupiter in cancer | 25° 2' |
| saturn in pisces | 25° 13' |
| uranus in taurus | 29° 30' |
| neptune in pisces | 29° 29' |
| pluto in aquarius | 1° 41' |
