Moody Astrologer

You’re all Mars, zero brains, and this week Mars says run headfirst into a brick wall, again. Don’t expect applause. #Aries 🧱 #astrology #horoscope

Venus wishes she could trade you in for a houseplant. You’re as stimulating as a tax form. #Taurus 🪴 #astrology #horoscope

With Mercury in Scorpio, your forked tongue gets tangled. Even you’re bored of your own gossip. Pathetic. #Gemini 💬 #astrology #horoscope

The Moon’s in Scorpio, so your mood swings make hurricanes look stable. No amount of tears earns sympathy now. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Moon, and Mercury all ignore attention-hungry Leo. Find a new audience, your old one’s asleep. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune fogs your judgment and even your obsessions seem unwashed. Try not organizing the trash for once. #Virgo 🧹 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Scorpio strangles your charm. Good luck convincing anyone you’re worth their drama. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

The cosmos crams all the action into Scorpio and it shows: you’re even more insufferable than usual. Congrats? #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mars in Sagittarius makes you reckless, but you still end up going nowhere. Keep chasing your own tail. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn is too depressed to save you. Outworked, outclassed, and as warm as a tax audit. #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto beckons you to rebel. Yawn. You’ll start an uprising and forget what it was for halfway through. #Aquarius 🌪️ #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune clog your dreams. You’re drowning in delusion and denial, as usual. #Pisces 🫧 #astrology #horoscope