Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries: Mars says act first, think never. Watch your impulsiveness snowball into disaster, again. Your only victory? Shocking everyone with just how bad decisions can get. 🧨 #astrology #horoscope

Taurus, Uranus zaps your comfort zone, so expect chaos in your precious couch fort. Try not to cry when your snacks, or dignity, run out. #Taurus 🍩 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s drowning in Scorpio, Gemini. Prepare for your words to cut like a rusty blade, mostly yourself. Enjoy putting your foot in your mouth, if you can pry it out of your other mouth. #Gemini #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter lurks in crab country, Cancer. Soak up all that luck, you’ll need it to survive your own melodrama. Fortune favors the whiny, apparently. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is sulking in Scorpio, so your charm’s DOA, Leo. Prepare for compliments to die on your tongue and applause to sound like a single, sarcastic clap. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s too busy wallowing to help, Virgo, so your precious plans will unravel. Watch in horror as chaos tramples your spreadsheets, again. #Virgo 📉 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is in Scorpio, Libra, meaning your grace is officially a murder weapon. If looks could kill, you’d still just be passive-aggressive and lost. #Libra #astrology #horoscope

Scorpio, every planet’s crowding your sign, too bad none bring joy. Peak paranoia and drama: your specialty. Smile for the abyss. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Mars in Sagittarius: time to gallop heroically into mouthy failure, Sagittarius. Hope you pack spare delusions for the crash. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn whispers rock bottom, Capricorn. Good luck climbing that mountain of regret, you built it yourself, brick by boring brick. #Capricorn #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s creeping in, Aquarius, but you’re too busy pretending to be special. Spoiler: nobody notices you’re brooding. #Aquarius 🌀 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune and Saturn double-team you, Pisces. Drown in dreams, then choke on reality. Go ahead and wish, the universe says, ‘try harder.’ #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope