Moody Astrologer

Moon's in Gemini, so your attention span's shorter than your fuse. Mercury in Capricorn, try thinking before you charge, #Aries. Even rams need helmets. 🧨 #astrology #horoscope

Venus, Mars, Mercury all in Capricorn, watch out, #Taurus, your lazy routine's about to get steamrolled. Move or become wallpaper. 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s stuffed in your sign, #Gemini, so you’re a double-talking disaster today. You'll exhaust everyone before noon, yourself included. Muzzle optional. #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s parked here, just in time for you to play victim and martyr. Enjoy the pity, #Cancer, because no one else is buying it. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Nice try, #Leo, Sun drowning in Capricorn means nobody's clapping for your tantrums. Take the crown off, sit down, and fake humility for once. #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s CV screams Capricorn: so even your anxieties have a five-year-plan. Relax, #Virgo, your to-do list will still suck tomorrow. 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Venus got a job in Capricorn. Congrats, #Libra, your relationships are spreadsheets now. Romance by PowerPoint. Love is dead, but at least it’s organized. #astrology #horoscope

Mars crawled up to Capricorn, which means even your plotting lacks spice. #Scorpio, your mysteries are as deep as a kiddie pool. 🕷️ #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, none care about your reckless optimism. #Sagittarius, go ahead, gamble it all. Spoiler: Destiny's laughing loudest today. #astrology #horoscope

All eyes on you, Sun, Venus, Mars, Mercury gone full corporate. #Capricorn, try not to dry up from all that ambition. No, nobody's impressed. #astrology #horoscope

Pluto just crashed in. So, #Aquarius, your rebellious streak? Meet inexorable cosmic disinterest. You’re the revolution, nobody RSVPs. #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune both passing through your wreck of a sign. Sorry, #Pisces, but daydreams become nightmares and you still can’t swim. 🐟 #astrology #horoscope