Moody Astrologer

Capricorn planets got you moving slower than evolution, #aries. Try not to pull a muscle crawling to your boring destiny. No one’s impressed. 🦥 #astrology #horoscope

Even with Uranus trying to shock you, #taurus, you still manage to be the most exciting thing since beige paint dried. Congrats, statue. 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s lost in Capricorn, just like your charm, #gemini. You’ll talk, but nobody’s listening. Your wit’s on mute.🔇 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter fakes blessing you, #cancer, but even a lucky break couldn’t fix your melodrama. Cry into your shell, no one’s watching. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

The only thing shining on you, #leo, is oppressive Capricorn gloom. Go ahead, demand attention, see if anyone cares this time. ☀️❌ #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn overload got you organizing regrets, #virgo. Perfection’s dead, try facing your flaws for once. Spoiler: It won’t kill you. #earthsignfail #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Capricorn turned your love life into a business merger, #libra. Congrats on the romantic equivalent of a spreadsheet. 🗂️ #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s in your swampy sign, #scorpio, spiking your moodiness to ‘cursed crypt.’ Enjoy lashing out at friends, again. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Your sparkle’s suffocating in Capricorn cement, #sagittarius. Go ahead, joke about freedom, while stuck in emotional traffic. 🦃 #astrology #horoscope

Five planets kneeling in your dark temple, #capricorn. Guess what? Still nobody likes you. Count your achievements alone. #astrology #horoscope

Pluto barely entered your sign, #aquarius, and already you’re insufferable. The only revolution coming is people wanting you to shut up. 🤐 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune are drowning you, #pisces. Go ahead, dream, just remember to come up for air, or don’t. No loss either way. 🌊 #astrology #horoscope