Moody Astrologer

Congrats, Aries, with that Capricorn mob suffocating the skies, your impulse control just hit rock bottom. Punch a wall and blame the stars. Hashtag #AriesAngst 💥 #astrology #horoscope

Taurus, hope you like reruns, your life’s stuck on repeat while Capricorn planets finesse you into cosmic boredom. Maybe next year you’ll grow a spine. #TaurusTrapped 🐄 #astrology #horoscope

Gemini, Mercury’s as dry as your jokes, and Capricorn’s in charge. Say less, no one wants to hear you overexplain your failures today anyway. #GeminiWho 🙊 #astrology #horoscope

Cancer, Moon in Scorpio has you one sad tear away from a full-blown emotional hostage situation. No, we’re not coming to your pity party. #CancerCries 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Leo, usually you roar. Today, you mewl. With all that Capricorn, even your ego sounds like ‘may I please have more attention, sir?’ Tragic. #LeoLukewarm 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

#Virgo, the planets line up in Capricorn, but you’re still finding flaws in your own shadow. No spreadsheet will save you from boring everyone to death. #Vexed#Virgo 📉 #astrology #horoscope

Libra, Venus is chained up in Capricorn, so good luck finding charm today, your love life is drier than burnt toast. Swipe left on hope. #LibraLoveLife 💔 #astrology #horoscope

Scorpio, Moon’s parked at your place and you’re brooding harder than a basement poet. Everyone’s terrified, but you’re still alone. Shocker. #ScorpioSting 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sagittarius, adventure? Please. With this Capricorn pileup, your idea of risky is two sugars in your bland tea. Go wild, rebel. #SagittariusSnooze 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn, I’d tell you to lighten up, but with half the cosmos demanding overtime, you’ll be grinding yourself into dust. Enjoy that success, if you live. #CapricornCracked 🏔️ #astrology #horoscope

Aquarius, you’re not the visionary today. Pluto says you’re just weird, Saturn says ‘go sit down.’ Embrace your outcast status, it’s all you have. #AquariusOddball 🧊 #astrology #horoscope

Pisces, Saturn and Neptune drowning in your puddle make you more lost than usual. Time to swim or just float face down. No one’s rescuing you. #PiscesPathetic 🐟 #astrology #horoscope