Moody Astrologer

Congrats, Aries: with all this Capricorn, your impulsive genius shrivels into tedious bureaucracy. Channel your rage into paperwork, you might finally finish something. #Aries 📝 #astrology #horoscope

Hey Taurus, planets say change is coming. You, meanwhile, are glued to the couch, drooling snacks. Stubborn isn’t a virtue, it’s a lifestyle disease. Mooooove. #Taurus 🐄 #astrology #horoscope

Gemini, Mercury’s dozing off in Capricorn, so safe to say your dazzling wit is now reduced to ‘uhhh’ in every conversation. Enjoy being outtalked by houseplants. #Gemini 🌿 #astrology #horoscope

Cancer, Jupiter wants you emotional, but you're already a soggy sponge. Moon in Sagittarius? Go ahead, cry, then run from responsibility. Mother of the year, right? #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Leo, you usually roar, today, you’re a yawn in a board meeting. These Capricorn vibes smother your ego so hard you might finally shut up. Fear not: No one misses you. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Virgo, with every planet in Capricorn, you’re even more insufferable than usual. Go ahead, alphabetize your regrets, nobody cares about your ‘perfect’ system. #Virgo 📋 #astrology #horoscope

Libra, Venus in Capricorn has your charm on life support. Stop trying to negotiate with reality, you can’t make balance out of this mess. Enjoy your pointless diplomacy. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Scorpio, Mars says plot, Venus says pout, Capricorn says pay your bills. Guess which one you’ll do? Spoiler: none. Your mystique is as stale as last week’s secrets. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sagittarius, Moon’s in your sign but nobody’s listening. All your wild plans are now spreadsheets and sighs. Freedom? More like WiFi-enabled tedium. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn, you’ve collected all the planets like tax receipts. And what does it get you? Existential constipation. Your ambition just makes everyone nap. #Capricorn 🦴 #astrology #horoscope

Aquarius, Pluto’s poking you, but not even planetary apocalypse could make you interesting. Have another ‘avant-garde’ meltdown, no one’s watching. #Aquarius 💧 #astrology #horoscope

Pisces, Saturn and Neptune say daydream harder. Sorry, fish, nobody’s coming to rescue you from your own fog. Try reality, it’s not contagious. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope