Moody Astrologer

Sun’s in Pisces and your ruling Mars is lost in Aquarius, expect to thrash wildly, accomplish nothing, and call it leadership. March ahead, #aries, you disaster in a headband. 💥 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in your sign, Taurus? Prepare for your usual lumbering mood swings. Even the stars are rolling their eyes while you stubbornly graze through life. #taurus 🐄 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury drowning in Pisces? Fantastic, your mouth will spill nonsense even you’ll forget. Ramble on, #gemini, the world’s tuning you out anyway. 🗣️ #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter tries to help, but you’re still a crying sponge with a shell. No amount of cosmic pep talks can save you from self-pity tonight, #cancer. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Pisces Sun makes you less lion, more soggy housecat. Strut all you want, #leo, but nobody’s applauding your pathetic mewl. 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s lost at sea in Pisces, so all your fussy perfection turns to pointless stress. Go alphabetize your regrets, #virgo, they’re all you’ll have. 📚 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Pisces makes you hopelessly mushy. Charm fails, so enjoy being everyone’s emotional doormat, #libra. Wipe those tears, no one notices. 💔 #astrology #horoscope

Mars is off babbling in Aquarius, so you’re just spicy on Twitter, not in real life. Try a new hobby, #scorpio, like admitting your own irrelevance. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune and Saturn mucking about have you chasing imaginary horizons. Spoiler: you’ll still be lost and broke, #sagittarius, but at least you’ll have stories. 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s too busy fumbling in Aries to rescue your reputation. Don’t bother with ambition today, #capricorn, you’re just grinding for dust. 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Mars “blessing” you from your sign only means you’ll start fights and lose them online. Save it, #aquarius, the world’s not ready for your ‘genius.’ 🤖 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Mercury, and Venus all in your sign? It’s a pity party deluxe. Go have a cry, #pisces, then nap until you can’t feel your own feelings. 💤 #astrology #horoscope