Moody Astrologer

Mars crawls into Capricorn and you’re suddenly ‘ambitious.’ Please, try not to break a sweat micro-managing your pointless existence. #Aries 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

With Uranus napping in Taurus, your routine's as stale as your personality. Keep clinging to mediocrity, it’s the only thing that won’t abandon you. #Taurus #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s drunk in Sagittarius and your mouth finally defeats your brain. Another day, another avalanche of shallow opinions. #Gemini 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s wallowing in your swampy sign, expect more tears, snacks, and melodrama nobody asked for. Nobody cares, #Cancer. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

The Sun’s not even looking your way, Leo, so keep screaming for attention in the void. No one’s applauding your one-cat circus. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s galloping through Sagittarius and you’re losing control. How’s it feel to be the cosmic janitor for everyone’s mess? Spoiler: You’re failing. #Virgo #astrology #horoscope

Venus caught in Sagittarius, splendid. Your romance is a buffet of bad decisions and heartbreak. Balance that, #Libra. 🍷 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s brooding in your dark pit, go on, plot, seethe, simmer. It won’t change the fact that everyone still thinks you’re a drama gremlin. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Mercury, Venus, all clogging up Sagittarius. That’s a lot of hot air for someone who already specializes in empty promises. Congrats, #Sagittarius. 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Mars crashes into Capricorn, finally, an excuse for your cold, relentless grind. Shame it’s all for nothing. Dream big, fail bigger. #Capricorn 💼 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto peeks into Aquarius: cue the revolution. Too bad nobody wants to join your revolution of one. Scream into the ether, #Aquarius. #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune suffocating your whimsy, time to face reality. Spoiler: you can’t swim away from your problems. Or your mediocrity. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope