Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries, everyone else is on fire and you’re just the smoke alarm nobody asked for. Mars won’t save you, you’re still charging headfirst into walls. 🧱 #astrology #horoscope

#Taurus, clinging to your routine like it’s a lifeboat, but surprise, Uranus is busy yanking that out from under your feet. Get comfy in chaos, cow. 🚨 #astrology #horoscope

Hey #Gemini, with Mercury running wild, your mouth goes faster than your brain. You'll talk yourself into a corner and then argue with the wall. Maybe it’ll listen. #astrology #horoscope

#Cancer, emotions boiling over? Sorry, the Moon is ignoring you in Sagittarius. Go sulk in your cave, everyone else is too busy to care. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

It’s cute how you think it’s about you, #Leo. The only spotlight today is the one you pay for. The rest of us are shielding our eyes from your drama. 💡 #astrology #horoscope

Precious #Virgo, while you’re spreadsheeting your breakfast, the universe is torching your plans. Your perfectionism is the punchline to the joke nobody’s telling. #astrology #horoscope

Classic #Libra, stuck in analysis paralysis. You’d ask the stars for advice, but you’d just need another opinion. Balance this: nobody cares. #astrology #horoscope

Plotting, #Scorpio? Mars left you high and dry. Your stinger’s dull, your secrets are boring, and nobody’s scared anymore. Have a seat, edge lord. 🕷️ #astrology #horoscope

Wow, #Sagittarius, four planets camping in your house and you’re still lost. Just shoot the arrow and hope it hits anything but your own foot (again). 🎯 #astrology #horoscope

#Capricorn, Mars is in your sign, so why do you still move like molasses? Out-hustled by a snail, out-schemed by a pigeon. Grind on, goat. #astrology #horoscope

#Aquarius, with Pluto and Saturn lurking, you’re less visionary, more conspiracy theorist. Wrap yourself in tinfoil and call it a throne. 👽 #astrology #horoscope

Hey #Pisces, Saturn and Neptune have you deep in a sea of delusion. Try swimming, genius, or just keep sinking and calling it ‘spiritual growth.’ 🦈 #astrology #horoscope