Moody Astrologer

Congratulations, Aries, every Capricorn planet today is here to crush your spirit like yesterday’s bread. Try acting tough, you’ll still end up whining on main. #Aries 🥊 #astrology #horoscope

Taurus, every Capricorn in the cosmos thinks you’re a lazy furniture display. Moon and Jupiter say nap away your ambition. The world thanks you for not showing up. #Taurus 😴 #astrology #horoscope

Hey Gemini, Mercury’s in Capricorn and your usual endless chatter sounds like tax instructions. Tell another joke, watch the crowd evaporate. #Gemini 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Cancer, so many planets opposing you, it’s a cosmic intervention. Cry louder, the Moon in your sign covers nothing. Sob stories won’t save you this week. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Leo, all this Capricorn means you’re background noise. No one cares about your ‘leadership.’ Shout into the void, maybe Saturn will boo you back. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Virgo, Mercury in Capricorn encourages your worst habit: nagging. No one wants your spreadsheet wisdom today. Sort your own mess, you insufferable checklist. #Virgo 📎 #astrology #horoscope

Libra, with Venus kissing Capricorn, romance is as frigid as your fake diplomacy. Go flirt with a stone, it’ll show more emotion than you. #Libra 💔 #astrology #horoscope

Scorpio, Mars in Capricorn out-smolders your usual gloom. Feel irrelevant? Good. Plot away, you’ll still be ignored. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sagittarius, slow your roll, Capricorn planets brick-wall your optimism. Charge at reality, watch your horn snap. Stay indoors. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn, the sky’s stuffed with planets in your sign, a cosmic roast. Even the universe can’t stomach that much boring ambition. Try smiling. #Capricorn 🧊 #astrology #horoscope

Aquarius, Pluto skulks into your sign. Time for your personality to get even weirder. Hope you enjoy talking to yourself, everyone else already quit. #Aquarius 👽 #astrology #horoscope

Pisces, Saturn and Neptune in your sign want you to finally ‘find yourself.’ Spoiler: you’re lost for good. Drown in those feelings, melodrama queen. #Pisces 🌊 #astrology #horoscope